you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
