even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
