I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
