ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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