Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
