the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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