apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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