No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still have a little drunk in my system
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
