I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
