Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
