Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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