you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
