With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
