All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
