I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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