Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
