apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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