ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
