I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
