Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
