I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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