Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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