Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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