I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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