When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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