ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
