She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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