Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
