so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
