it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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