Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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