I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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