just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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