Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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