He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
True college students do jello shots in the library
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
