If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
