I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
