i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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