k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
