HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
