It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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