Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
