A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
