at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
