he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
