I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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