batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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