ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
