The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
