Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
