mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
