Buhtt sex?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
