You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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