After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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