I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
