Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
